A Series of Misunderstandings
by Xiteph
Summary: This will be a collection of one-shots/drabbles consisting of puns and misunderstandings.
1. Chapter 1

**_How about a date?_**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own One Piece.  
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Luffy was on the computer when he came across a dating website. Because he was bored and also because he heard of the hot chick Sanji met on said website, he decided to take the questionnaire. The questionnaire was supposed to match people up with those with similar interests. He clicked the link. Up came a series of questions.

* * *

Q: Have you ever been on a date with someone?

L: I have been on one by myself. But probably not with someone else.

Q: Was the date pleasant?

L: Well, it was sort of squished. So, it could have been better. But it was still pretty sweet.

Q: What's your idea of a perfect date?

L: Fresh, dipped in caramel-chocolate sauce, organic, pesticide and herbicide free and not found randomly on a park bench.

Q: Where did your date end?

L: In the toilet. Where else do dates end after you eat them?

Needless to say he did not get any matches.

* * *

A/N: For people who didn't get the joke this whole story is basically about Luffy misunderstanding date (romantic get-together) for date (fruit). Thanks for reading.


	2. Dinner at Sanji's

_**Dinner at Sanji's**_

A/N: This is another AU story. Actually all of the stories I thought up so far are at least somewhat AU-ish.

**Disclaimer:** Once again, I do not own One Piece.

Summary: Sanji invites his friends to his house for dinner. But something isn't right.

* * *

_5:30 PM Time of the Crime:_

The guests arrive at the house to hear what sounded like: hurried footsteps, some yelling, frustrated screams, shattering glass, banging and then silence.

* * *

_6:03 PM Suspicions:_

Sanji opens the door. "Sorry about the wait. I was just…um… taking care of some unfinished business."

He invites the guests into the dining room where they sit and wait to be served.

"Did you see the way he was dressed when he opened the door?" whispered Ussop to Robin.

"Now that you mentioned it, it was certainly suspicious." replied the archeologist.

"His clothes were ruffled, his tie was crooked and his hair was messed up. I've never seen him like that before. And what the heck was up with all the noise we heard? ", inputted an equally suspicious Nami.

"Hey, what's going on?" asked a curious Chopper.

"The cook's hiding something. I say we find out what it is," answered Zoro.

"Yay! An adventure!"

"Shhhhhhh. We don't want him to hear us; Zoro reprimanded a finger on his lips.

"Sorry."

So the guests sneakily made it out of the kitchen. They split up to cover more ground.

* * *

_6:55 PM Crime Scene_

"OH MY GOD!" came Ussop's voice from the basement.

Everyone rushed to the scene. Upon arriving, they found the room in a mess. A mini-lamp was pulled out of its socket and left shattered on the ground. There were cracks in the wall and some furniture seemed out of place.

"It seems we have come upon a crime scene. I say we investigate"

After Robin's suggestion, the team spilt up to unearth any clues as to what may have happened.

* * *

7:24 PM Discovery and Explanations

The group was quietly investigating when they heard Chopper shriek.

"What is it Chopper? Where are you? inquired Nami worriedly.

"I'm in the storage room. I found a b—b-b-b-body." stuttered Chopper.

"WHAAAAAAT?"

Everyone promptly rushed to the storage room. On the floor was a tiny, battered, round,black corpse.

"I found it in the va –va-va cuum c-cleaner"

"I see what happened here. The hurried footsteps we heard were from Cook-san chasing after the victim. The yelling, screaming and cracks were from Cook-san's failed attempts at killing the victim. The lamp must have broken after it was knocked off the desk during the chase. Cook-san,then used the rest of the lamp to brutally beat the victim. Afterwards ,when he was sure the victim was dead, he sucked it up with the vacuum cleaner."

Too busy listening to Robin's deduction no one noticed the now-named murderer entering the room.

"Perceptive, as always, Robin-chan."

" YOU M-MURDERER!" shouted Ussop pointing a trembling figure at the man standing in front of him casually smoking a cigarette like he didn't just commit a heinous crime.

"Um... I don't know...if any of you noticed ….But, IT'S A FRIGGING FLY! " interjected Nami, finally fed up with the stupidity of the situation they were in.

"You should cook it!"

"Why the hell would I do that, Luffy?"

"Well considering how you go on and on about not wasting food…"

"A fly is not food!"

"Frogs eat them!"

"We are not frogs! But I suppose I could feed it to the one living on Zoro's head.

"Hey, that's my hair!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't tell."

"You bastard."

Everyone returned to the dining room to eat, leaving Sanji and Zoro to their fight.

* * *

_8:36 PM Conclusion?_

"Zoro where's Sanji?"

"Last I saw him; he was trying to pull a blond-haired body out of the back of his car."

* * *

_Meanwhile in the parking lot….._

"Stupid, jack-ass stuffed a damn cob of corn in my tailpipe!" growled Sanji as he tried to pull it out.

* * *

A/N: I think corn-silk looks kind of like blond hair, hence the "blond-haired body". These stories will most likely be focusing on the Straw Hats but may include other characters as well depending on what I can come up with.


	3. All Blue

All Blue

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**Disclaimer:** I do not own One Piece.

AN:  Contains some cursing. Unlike my other fanfics, this one is kind of sad.

* * *

Sanji was in the kitchen cooking when excited shouts above him caught his ear.

"LOOK IT'S ALL BLUE!"

"WOW!"

"IT'S REALLY IS!"

"I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE!"

* * *

He could hear the fascination and astonishment in their shouts. But he knew that none of them would be as overwhelmed as him when he sees it. So, it was without a doubt that the overly excited cook rushed out of the kitchen filled with elation and feeling like he was the luckiest man in the world.

* * *

His feet didn't seem to move fast enough despite the scorch marks they were leaving on the floor. He didn't give a damn if the floor was on fire. He didn't _even_ care if the kitchen was on fire. He just wanted to see what he wanted to see, what he always wanted to see. After a time that seemed too long for the cook he finally reached the deck.

* * *

He peered over the railing to find waves upon waves of ocean. But where were all the fish!? Where were all the Elephant Tunas? The Pickled Mackerel? The Giant Minnows? WHERE WERE ALL THE DAMN FISH !? It was supposed to be filled to the brim with them like Zoro's glass _always_ was. A work of art full of colour and life, more _amazing_, more _astounding_ than anything Ussop could ever hope to create. But there were only layers, upon layers and fields and fields of blue as far as the eye could see. Did they past it? Was he too late? Was his dream all just a dream? All a wild fantasy thought up by some random guy? Was he really that unlucky!? Just when Sanji was about to dive in to look for them, whilst cursing his luck, five little words stopped him.

* * *

"LOOK SANJI, IT'S ALL BLUE!"

Our hero turned to the voice, his hope renewed. Only for that hope to be squashed like a spider in Sanji's kitchen.

"CHOPPER'S NOSE COULD BE RED FOR ALL I CARE!"

Steaming our hero stomped back to the kitchen.

"FUCK! MY KITCHEN"S ON FIRE!"


	4. Buggy & Shanks

Buggy and Shanks

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**Disclaimer:**** I do not own One Piece, Ginger ale or James Bond**

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After month at sea, Shanks walks into a bar (no, that is not the joke)*. A few minutes later a young, attractive lady approaches him and offers to buy him a drink. He receives the drink and places it on a surface. They are both enjoying their drinks when the woman suddenly speaks. "Sir?" says the woman, "I think I have a crush on you."

"No miss, "you are mistaken, for this is _Ale_, Ginger_ Ale._", replies Shanks while taking a can of soda off his head.

* * *

Yassop hearing that Shanks was in town decides to ask around. After numerous tries ending in failure with people telling him where to find Shanks only to end up at a butcher or meat stall and people trying to sell him meat (shanks of lamb, shanks of beef, shanks of pork) he gives up and heads back to the ship.

* * *

Meanwhile, Buggy walks into an alley where he is accosted by marines with pesticide.

* * *

A/N: There is actually a joke, which is just "A guy walks into a bar."


	5. Nighttime Activity

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece**

Nighttime Activity

He woke up in the middle of the night. He headed to the bathroom and grabbed a tissue out of the box sitting top of the toilet. He rubbed his shaft furiously with the tissue hoping for release. When the job was done and the tissue filled with sticky gooey substance. Ussop sighed in relief and said, "I'm glad I finally got it all out. It sucks having a stuffy nose."


End file.
